Chapter 4 - The parrot speaks like its owner

I had too much pride to let Chota win this debate, and therefore I had to be more prepared for the next time we spoke. I decided that my first step should be to ask my parents the questions I needed answers to. After all, they were born in India and had followed the religion their whole life. They were always complaining that we were too "western" ...well mum and dad, I would like to be taught now.

First stop, the more calmer option....my mum...

"MUMMY" I yelled, even though I knew she was in the kitchen and could hear me without the shouting..."mummyyyyy"

"Yes sweety" she replied.

"Tell me about our religion...tell me everything you know...and I have some questions too..." I was about to delve into my questions when she interrupted me.

"Listen, you probably know more than I do. I spent my childhood working hard for my family. All I know is that you should be good, treat others nicely and you should educate yourself as much as possible." She turned around and went back into the kitchen.

End of discussion then I guess. But what she had said made me think...did my mum just tell me she wasn't religious? All my values and morals I learnt from her. I learnt how to be a good girl from her. I learnt how to respect my elders and treat guests from her. She is an amazing role model. Yet here she is telling me that she doesn't really know much about religion....how strange...

Next stop...my dad. Now this could either be a huge lecture, or it could become a heated argument.

"Ermm...papa...can we talk about religion..." I asked hesitantly.

"What do you want to know?" he said to me, eyes still on sky news.

"So which God is the main God? Because we all believe in so many. Is there one main one? Or do we pick our favourite and worship that one?" I stopped talking as he turned to me looking annoyed.

"Yes there is a main God and yes you pick any one you like" he said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

It made no sense to me whatsoever...so I tried again.

"So" I said, annoying him once again " how do I know if I've picked the right one? Surely there must be some rule book or something. What if the one I pluck was created by a human?'

'Yes yes' he said still looking at the TV, 'read all the books'

'ALL the books?...Ermm which ones have you read?'

'None' he replied 'but I've seen the shows on TV'.

There was no point, he always had the final word whether it made sense or not. I know the TV can be a good source of information, but for your own religion? Come on, that's a bit silly. I did not want to question him further, but was he not aware that these shows had been made by another human? That the shows had to be passed for approval by big television companies who wanted entertaining programmes? No, this was the wrong source of information.

There is a saying that a parrot will repeat the words of its owner. I only knew what my parents had taught me, but it was time for me to learn independently now. I wanted to know more about my religion, and I wanted to learn it from reliable sources. I think it was time to find 'all the books'.

But not before another phone call from Chota about idol worshipping...

(To be continued)

Chapter 3 - The phone call

C: Hey

Me: Hi Chota, how are you?

C: I'm ok, how are you?

Me: I'm good thanks. What's up?

C: *pause*...why do you pray to so many Gods?

Me: Well it's because different Gods symbolise different things. So they all have different roles.

C: Don't you think that's a bit stupid? How do you know which one is the right God then?

Me: they're all right I guess...or maybe there's a few main Gods, and the rest have been made up over time...

C: you don't even know? Bit pathetic...what if they're all made up then? Where's the proof?

Me: we have Holy books!

C: how many?

Me: quite a lot actually, so it must be right

C: people interpret things differently when there is one book...and you're telling me there's many books so all the books must be correct? Are you honestly saying that you think no one has adjusted them in any way over time? Your religion has been around for the longest time in your opinion....so have the books remain untouched?

Me: I...don't...I don't know...but I'll find out...anyways,every religion has that issue. People always tamper with things.

C: the Quran Sharif has never been tampered with did you know that? Even when the books were destroyed to get rid of the religion, many people had memorised it and so it never went away.

Me: that's quite beautiful, I must admit...

C: people have been trying to prove Islam wrong for a long time, but no one has ever found anything. You know what, try and find a fault. I dare you.

Me: look, I'm going to stick to looking further into my religion. I want to show you why I believe what I believe. Anyways, I've got to go now, bye.

C: ok bye

Why did I believe what I believed? Well to be honest, it was because it was what my family believed, and obviously I would not question their faith. But he had a point....all these different religions....they can't all be right because they all are different. Maybe the time had come for me to start looking into my religion and becoming stronger in my reasoning as to why I am of this religion. I don't want to give vague answers to people when they ask me. I want to give confident answers! I seem to know a lot about the traditions of my religion....such as what we wear and why we do certain rituals. But when it comes down to it, I don't have any idea where it all as originated from. I know that some people in my religion have a tendency to create new ideals, so I need to make sure I am basing my faith purely on the word of the book. Which book? Oh dear....I have so much to learn...

Chapter 2 - The encounter

Sometimes, what is best for you is right in front of you, but you can't see it because you are caught up in keeping everything the same. It is at times like this when you need that extra push to delve into the unknown. Islam has always been around me in many different ways. But because it still had no specific meaning to me at that point, I chose to appreciate it value, but to disregard it by not taking it any further. My push in the right direction came in the form of an individual who I will call Chota for the time being.

This story is not a love story, nor is it an easy journey. I want to explain my hardships not to gain sympathy, but to show you the power of God and the strength you gain by submitting yourself to your Lord.

I met Chota by chance, at work, on a day where he was volunteering for only two days. When I spoke to him, it felt as though something was happening between us. I was trapped in his words. He was not being romantic, nor was he saying anything related to me. He was speaking about his love for his family. It truly touched me to see him be so open with me when we were just strangers. I thought nothing else of it and went about my work, secretly hoping I would see him again the next day.

I did see him, but our encounter was brief, and at the time although I was a tad disappointed that I would not have another interesting conversation with him, it did not affect me greatly. He was after all still a stranger. But Allah Al Wadood plans for each and every one of us. I had left something at the end of the day so as I went back into my office to retrieve it, I bumped into him. We spoke again, both of us lost in the little bubble we had created, and we decided to keep in touch as he would no longer be working here.

Step into my shoes. You receive a phone call from Chota...there is some general talk before the discussion turns to religion. You say you are happy in your religion, and that you have nothing bad to say about any other religions. He insults you, he tells you that you are wrong...he raises his voice and calls you a fool...what would you do? Hang up presumably. Which is what I did.

But, something made me want to call back and stand up for myself and my religion. Just as I was about to text him, he called me back. We decided to agree to disagree, and I promised him that we could discuss this in detail very soon.

The truth was I was scared. Although I knew about my religion, I was not really knowledgable. There were gaps in my information where my parents could not answer certain questions for me. I needed to be confident with all my answers before I approached this conversation again. Because I could see that Chota had no plans of making this easy for me in any way whatsoever. He thought that he was right, and I thought that I was right. As he had said in the conversation, that which is lawful is clear, and that which is unlawful is also clear.

I was determined to prove him wrong, but the first thing I had to do was to find out why I was right. Or was I?

Chapter 1 - The start of a long journey

I am a revert, and this blog is my true story.

It was may 2011, and once again there was a heated discussion within the house. My father was saying cruel things about people with different beliefs to us, and I was adamant to stand up for them. As I tried to explain to him for the millionth time, as long as they are not harming anyone, why are we interfering with their happiness? But he did not understand, for he was a stubborn and head strong man who did not see the world in the same way I did.

My younger brother and all three of my sisters agreed with him, as they had been brought up with this mind set. Why was I so different? I did not feel like I belonged to this family, or to this way of life. I wanted a simple way of life where I could turn to God and live my life through good deeds. But in my current state I was criticised for being so good. Imagine that...at fault for not doing anything wrong.

All my friends thought I was weird for not having a boyfriend. But I did not want one. In my mind, there was something amazingly beautiful about waiting until I was married. I was not tempted at all. But why were all these people telling me I am old fashioned? Why did they laugh and predict that I would end up dying alone? Surely I was not alone in my thoughts of women having this purity? I would never ever do anything that would disrespect myself. I want to hold my head up high and be able to walk confidently with my husband without any other men pointing fingers.

No I do not want to drink or smoke. I know it is not against my religion, but why would I want to lose control over my body and intoxicate myself? It just never made sense to me. Even if all my friends were doing it, I was happy with my own choices.

I am trying to paint a picture here of how it felt to be lost in life. To know the difference between right and wrong but to not have any one else around me to agree with it. At times I would doubt myself, because how could all of the people around me be wrong? But still I stuck to my way of life because I could not stand the thought of going against my own morals.

It got the point where I became disgusted with everything that was visibly wrong/ As I grew older, I became more aware of everything around me, and I was able to become stronger in my views. I learnt everything I could, becoming stronger in my own inner-self. But for some reason I still did not feel at peace.

But everything happens for a reason, and the turn of events that was about to follow changed my life....